Please Kill Me
by Kandakicksass
Summary: Zero is suicidal, but Kaname isn't just going to accept that. So what does he do? He erases Zero's will to die, and covers it with something strong to suppress it... like sex. Oneshot, slash, giftfic for San Juanita Hernandez.


**This is a request fic for a friend of mine, San Juanita Hernandez! Please enjoy everyone. **

Kuran Kaname had received many strange letters in his time at Cross Academy. Love letters, the lot of them, from various girls. He burned a good majority of the letters, gave some to Aido (who wanted them for unknown reasons), and the rest were either unaccepted or hidden somewhere under his bed. Kaname was a being easily enraptured with lovely things after all, and sometimes a letter came with a poem that would touch him in some small way, or at the very least, be found pleasant to the ear. Many strange letters, yes, many letters that were not half as strange nor half as terrifying as this one he held in his hand.

Kaname was sure he had not moved for at least ten minutes, and Kain was still standing there with a confused look on his face. Usually he was given orders about what to do with the letters, be it burn them or some other request. This time, however, Kaname just sat there and stared at the three little words.

_Please kill me._

He recognized the writing—at least, he thought he did. Even if he didn't, and he desperately wished he were mistaken (which, because the letter was not signed, was a small possibility), there were few who would write him such a thing and there was only one who would both have reason to want to die and reason to ask him to do it specifically.

"He had to single me out," Kaname murmured. "There are plenty here who would be sufficient. It's not like my role in his life has been an adequate prompt for this."

Kain raised an eyebrow at him. "Kuran-sama, what is—"

Kaname shushed him. "It is none of your business, Kain. Leave. I need to think."

Kain back up, watching him the entire time, before he finally reached the door and turned, leaving without another word.

_Please kill me._

"What kind of request is that?" Kaname said to himself. "Selfish and stupid. He's losing brain cells." He looked down at the words again. It was certainly Kiryu Zero's handwriting, that much was certain. "Kill him? I am not inclined to do anything of the sort."

He smiled, looking down at the letter. He looked over toward his bed, then back at the piece of paper.

"It does seem awfully important," Kaname mused, holding it up to the light. "Special treatment?"

He put it down again and a dark expression took over. "Very selfish. Thinking I would do him such a favor. Pathetic. I think I need to have a talk with Mr. Prefect."

Kaname stood, just looking at the letter for a moment. Then he carefully pinned it to the cork board next to his desk and turned sharply, leaving the room with a small fire burning in the corner and his work half finished.

"Kuran-sama!" Aido said automatically, standing without much thought. "Are you going out?"

Kaname gave the blonde a piercing glare. "I would believe the answer to that is obvious, _Idol_. Go back to your game and concern yourself with other matters. My affairs are none of your business."

Aido winced and his thoughts were obvious. So Kaname was still angry with him.

When the door slammed behind him and he stepped out into the cool air, Kaname felt much less suffocated then he had inside. Then he remembered where he was going and almost growled in remembrance. Now that he had gotten over the initial surprise and more than that, the shock, he could feel the beginning of a good, overly zealous rage coming on, and he welcomed it. It had been a while since he was righteously pissed off at Zero, and it was beginning to worry him.

Granted, his anger wasn't for reasons that suited his Zero-hating purposes, but at least he was angry.

Of course, once he barged into Zero's room to find the ex-hunter patiently waiting with huge silver eyes, he realized that his anger really was worse than the lack of anger.

"You've lost your mind," Kaname hissed at once, without thinking. Zero just looked up at him, sitting on his bed.

"Not yet," Zero said calmly. "That's where you come in. I figure I'm burdening you less by asking you to kill me than I am by asking for your blood. And I'm right."

"You're selfish is what you are," he growled in return. "Think about this. What you're doing to everyone here. Think of Headmaster Cross—of Yuuki! How do you think she'll react to me killing you?"

Zero's eyes held no remorse. "Yuuki will be just fine. And you've carefully kept yourself out of that list. There will be no repercussions for _you_, so really, you don't have any reason to refuse."

Kaname leaned down, his nose almost touching Zero's. His eyes, he could see reflected in Zero's wide pools of grey, were dangerous and threatening. They were also mesmerizing, and he could tell Zero was losing his train of thought with Kaname so close, which was the whole point.

"Zero," he said gently, and almost cursed at himself because he didn't want to do this _again_. "Zero, look at me and don't look away."

And maybe he was being a little too controlling, but Zero just nodded slowly and whispered an agreement.

Kaname was starting to feel bad about what he was doing. For about a month, he had been keeping Zero in check in a completely selfish and utterly indecent way, and now, he was starting to worry he was just making things worse. Zero wasn't himself. And yet, Kaname couldn't bring himself to stop.

"Zero, you know it would cause problems for me if I killed you," the pureblood murmured. It both impressed and shocked Kaname that Zero was in control enough to disagree.

"No," he said in a blank voice, but a hint of Zero's inner panic was audible underneath it.

"Yes," Kaname said patiently, sitting down next to Zero on the bed without increasing the distance between them. Zero's head turned with Kaname's movement to keep their gazes locked. "Think about it. Even the hunter association would come after me."

"No," Zero repeated, his eyes just a little bit more glazed than before.

"Yes. They would use it as an excuse to start another war. You don't want another war, do you?"

Slowly, Zero shook his head. "No. I don't want a war."

"So really, you don't want to die," Kaname concluded in a calm, reassuring voice. He prayed that no one would interfere. His hold on Zero's mind was fragile, and he knew the smallest interruption would break it. Zero's mind was so much more difficult to control than everyone else's.

After a moment, Zero nodded and leaned forward. Again, the guilt bit at Kaname. Had he really done this so much that Zero knew what was going to happen even in his controlled state?

"No," Zero said in an awed voice. "I don't want to die." Kaname breathed a sigh of relief that he had gotten that message to stick. Now all he had to do was replace all thought of it with something else, so that he wouldn't remember the idea had come from Kaname.

He leaned down, assuaging Zero's urging—for the silver-haired boy had taken a lock of hair and was tugging on it softly, producing a quiet keen from the back of his throat, telling Kaname he was tired of waiting. Kaname also pulled back as the guilt hit him for the millionth time, but Zero was beginning to really get how things went down when this happened, and he had taken the initiative and had eagerly pressed their lips together.

And all thought that Kaname may have been harboring went out the window and his arms came around the prefect. Zero melted in his arms. Sometimes Kaname wondered why that was—even the first time Kaname had controlled him this way, Zero had no problems relaxing with him as if he knew instinctively Kaname wouldn't hurt him. Rather, Kaname's habit was to give him more pleasure than he had ever known.

When Kaname pulled back for air, Zero's face followed him and Kaname had to push him back into a sitting position. He locked their gazes again.

"Breathe, Zero," he commanded, and the boy took a large breath. "Don't forget to breath. Why do you do that? You could suffocate."

He wasn't sure why he asked; he knew he would get a completely honest and somewhat incoherent answer, one he probably didn't want to hear. Sure enough, Zero did not disappoint.

"I need to kiss you," he responded immediately. "I think about it all the time. Kissing you is more important than breathing. I don't think _that _all the time but I still want to…" His gaze wandered back down to Kaname's lips and he shuddered.

"All the time?" Kaname asked with a raised eyebrow.

Zero nodded enthusiastically, his gaze not moving from Kaname's lips. He wasn't worried about losing control; by this point, Zero was completely smothered by the pureblood's influence. He was well and truly Kaname's bitch. To tease him with what he knew was coming, Kaname casually, collected one of Zero's hands, bringing it up and kissing his index finger.

Zero shivered again, watching Kaname rain kisses down the length of his finger. "All the time," he repeated. "All the time. I don't ever know why, I just suddenly can't look away from you… it scares me sometimes, how obsessed I can be with you. Especially your ass." He stopped talking long enough to lick his lips. "Yum."

It had always amazed Kaname how flamboyantly gay Zero could become under his control. Or perhaps, he thought, it had nothing to do with Zero's being flamboyantly gay but the fact that if Kaname asked, he had to tell him _exactly _what he was thinking. Nothing could be left out. He had to tell him everything that ran through his brain about the subject until Kaname stopped him.

"I think I like that," Kaname purred, kissing the finger one last time before dropping it and moving his hands to Zero's collar. "The thought that you think of me when I have no control over your thoughts. It's… sexy." Kaname looked at him with a smoldering gaze and he almost laughed with the way heat automatically flooded to Zero's cheeks.

"Like you?" Zero asked without thinking and Kaname laughed out loud.

"If you say so."

"I do say so," Zero murmured, helping Kaname rid him off his clothes.

"You want to know what I say?" Kaname asked, humming against Zero's pale neck.

"W-what?" Zero stuttered.

"I say your clothes are taking entirely too long to go away," he replied with a smile. "I haven't seen you naked for too long. Undress yourself for me, won't you, Zero-kun?"

Zero stood, practically ripping his clothes off and Kaname just sat there and watched with a pleased smile on his lips.

"Beautiful," he commented immediately when Zero was completely stripped. Zero beamed in a way Kaname had never seen when Zero wasn't under his influence. Then he sat himself in Kaname's lap, and Kaname could no longer think straight. He let his instincts take over, and took Zero to the bed.

Just as he laid the hunter down, the boy's phone rang. Irritated, Kaname nodded. "Get that, won't you?" _As if there aren't enough distractions in the world. Hmph._

"It's from Yuuki," Zero told him faithfully. "She says not to forget the ball tomorrow."

Kaname groaned. "Yes. The ball. Tell her… tell her you remember, and that you won't forget." Typing diligently, Zero replied, then set the phone on silent (_dear lord, quite cunning this one is, even when being controlled, _Kaname thought) and gave Kaname a wide, sly grin.

(Insert astricts here—FF GIMME MEH ASTRICTS BACK!)

When Zero woke in the morning, he was alone, but the other side of the bed was warm for some reason. Disappointed, he curled up into that warmth. Why was it always like this? Every time he tried to get Kaname to just do it, to get it over with and kill him, he would always wake up in bed with no memory of the night before. That didn't bother him so much; he had been losing bits and pieces of nights and mornings for a couple months now and he was really quite used to it.

Some days, he was _so sure _there had been someone sharing his bed, but whenever he woke, the room was empty but for himself. Shaking his head, he sat up. "Why had I even asked him to do that, anyway?" Zero asked himself. "I don't even want to die."

The thought, for some reason, made Zero want to curl up into that warmth again. The pillow smelled like jasmine. Why would it smell like jasmine? The hunter sighed. It really didn't matter.

"Zero!"

The silver-haired level D traced a pattern into the sheets, ignoring the voice calling to him.

"Kiryu Zero, if you don't open the door, I will go get the headmaster and you know how—"

In a flat voice, Zero called, "Just come in, will you?"

The doorknob turned and Yuuki poked her head inside, raising an eyebrow at him. Zero blinked at her, surprised. "Well, Zero? We haven't got all day."

"What are you talking about?" he asked, cocking his head to the side. "And why are you so dressed up?" Yuuki blushed, stepping fully into the room. Her hair was curled, falling shortly past her shoulders in little chocolate ringlets. Her slender frame was encompassed by a strapless dress in a soft lilac hue—much like Zero's eyes.

"Zero, the Moon Ball is tonight. As prefects, we have to be there early and help set up. Don't you remember?" Zero shook his head, confusion starting to take over. "Well, that's all right. Doesn't matter, really. It's just… I texted you to remind you. You really… didn't you get my text?"

His heart thumping in his chest, he reached over to the nightstand shakily, making sure to keep the sheets up over his hips (why in hell was he naked, anyway?), and grabbed his phone. It wasn't the newest model, but it suited his purposes. He brought up his texts, and sure enough, there it was.

_Z, don't forget the ball tomorrow :] We gotta be at the Moon dorm at nine, so don't sleep in! _

Even more confusing, he had replied with _I remember; I won't forget_. He couldn't remember getting the text, let alone replying to it!

"Zero?" Yuuki said, her voice soft and worried. "Zero, what's wrong?" Fear was taking a very deep seed inside of him. How much was he losing, and why was he losing it in the first place?

"No," he whispered, then winced and cleared his throat, adding in a louder tone, "Nothing's wrong, Yuuki. You wanna help me get dressed. God knows I can't put on those monkey suits worth shit."

Yuuki laughed, nodding, as she flitted to his wardrobe. She pulled the tuxedo out, smoothing it with one delicate, pink-nailed hand. "It's a lovely tux, isn't it? Who picked it out?" Zero raised an eyebrow, trying to find any semblance of normalcy. "Not that you couldn't, of course… did _you _pick it out?"

Zero laughed, and shook his head. "No. I think… didn't Kuran pick it out when you asked? Aido showed up some time last week with it, saying it was a present to the "fashion-impaired hunter", quote him, from the "fashion-obsessed fop", quote me."

"You called Kaname-sama a fop?" Yuuki chuckled. "I'm sure he took that well. But I didn't ask him. Maybe he's a mind reader now, too."

Zero rolled his eyes. "Because that's just what we need. A pureblood asshole vampire who can read minds! Perfect."

"Well, it's not like he _can't_," Yuuki reasoned after thinking about it for a moment. "I just don't think he likes to."

"Psh," Zero snorted. "I bet that bastard is all over the idea of mind-controlling me off a cliff."

Yuuki went silent, Zero's hint that she agreed that he was probably right, and Zero laughed. "It smells like jasmine," Yuuki said after her moment of silence, and Zero's laugher caught in his throat.

"What?"

Yuuki looked up, then walked over, holding the tux out to him. "It smells like jasmine. See?" Indiscernibly, Zero took a sniff.

"It smells like jasmine," Zero repeated, the gears in his mind whirling desperately. "Jasmine…"

Yuuki was oblivious to his desperation as he tried to remember what had been happening. It _had _to have something to do with his black outs. But he just _couldn't remember!_

"Come on," Yuuki said once she returned her attention to him. "Let's get you dressed, shall we? We've got thirty minutes, then we've got to go if we want to be on time." Zero nodded absently.

"Sure," he allowed, nodding again. "But can you turn around for a second?" Yuuki looked down, seeming to understand the situation, and blushed up to her hairline, agreeing quickly, spinning around. He grabbed his boxers from where they had wound up on the floor and pulled them on under the covers. When his lower half was significantly covered, he stood, laying a hand on her shoulder.

"Done?"

"Yeah." She turned around again with a smile and set the tux on the bed, taking each garment apart so she could access the white button up. "It really is a lovely tux."

He nodded. "Yes, it is. But why are the tie and handkerchief purple?" Yuuki laughed.

"So they'll match me—and your eyes!" she answered and he frowned, but it was hard to remain so cross when being dressed by a girl a good foot or so shorter than him. "All right!" she chirped when she finished. "Looks like we're done! Just gotta get your pants on, and you're ready!"

He did so, pulling them on and fastening them. He tucked the button up inside the slacks and then stood in a model pose, showing off the tux. She laughed again, nodding.

"You look great!" she flattered him. "Fabulous." He rolled his eyes, but he felt warm by her praise.

"Thanks, Yuuki," he said gruffly, but she saw through him and looped her arm through his.

"Come on, you stubborn thing," she snickered. "Let's go, or Kaname-sama will have our hides!" He let her drag him away.

(Insert astricts here—FF GIMME MEH ASTRICTS BACK!)

Kaname sat in a chair next to the stage, looking out on his garden ball. He had family flying in from all over the world and almost every teenage vampire he knew was attending as well. Little did everyone know that the two "human" prefects were just as vampiric as the guests. Speaking of, where _was _the little pixie and his silver-haired lover?

"Kaname-sama!" The little pixie ran up with his lover in tow, who looked fairly amused despite his current company. Kaname allowed a flicker of hope to blossom in his chest.

"Ah, Yuuki-chan… Kiryu-kun. Right on time." Kaname kept his gaze on the level D, praying Zero would meet his eyes without hostility. When Zero's eyes wandered from his feet to Kaname's own crimson orbs, he was delighted to see a spark of curiosity in them, and timid ambiance.

"Kuran… sama," Zero said softly, obviously trying to be polite. Kaname's grin was wide.

"So, would you two mind helping me set out the tables?" Kaname asked radiantly, and Yuuki nodded, smiling grandly.

For the next few hours or so, Kaname watched his angel work, his attention drifting to Yuuki only when she fell, tripped, or—on one occasion—practically flattened Zero by falling off the stage. He helped of course; he couldn't just let Zero do all of the work, no matter how badly he was tempted to, just to see how his little toy would take it.

"Kuran-sama, what do you want me to do with this?" Kaname looked up from the table he was setting at Zero, who held out a crystal soup bowl.

"Put it over there, will you, Kiryu-san?" he asked, pointing toward the refreshment table. "The party is about to start and I think we're pretty good here, so why don't you take a break when you're finished with that?"

Zero flashed him a hesitant smile. "Sure. Erm… thanks." He nodded, watching the hunter walk away.

_Does he realize he sways his hips a little when he walks_? Kaname contemplated. _No, I don't think he does. _Kaname smiled to himself.

(Insert astricts here—FF GIMME MEH ASTRICTS BACK!)

Zero was drunk. Zero was drunk on vampire wine (horribly strong stuff; he should have realized something was up when Kaname's friends started offering him drinks), and hopelessly lost. His body was trembling with anticipation of _something_, something tugging on the fringes of his consciousness. Had he been completely coherent, he would have connected the blackouts with these little flashes of memory, too quick for them to be discernible.

He stumbled along, pawing his way down the hallway. _Find Kaname or Yuuki_, he thought desperately. _Just find Kaname. _For some reason, Yuuki had been dropped from the list, but it suited Zero just fine. _Find Kaname. _

When he stopped, the vertigo taking over, the only thing he could see was a doorway. He knew that door—it was Kaname's study. _Kaname's study! I can just sleep in here, and Kaname will find me later and send me home. Yes, that should work…_

He burst in, stumbling toward the desk, catching it finally and leaning against it. Using the desk as support, he pushed himself toward the chair and landed in it, sighing in relief as he got off his tired, unstable legs. He curled up in the leather office chair, waiting for Kaname to find him.

He looked around. It was a very cozy room, with a fireplace in on the side, a couch next to it, with deep red walls that suited Kaname, in Zero's humble opinion. He looked up at the cork board next to the desk idly, trying to find something to occupy him.

He examined it for a bit, then looked away, bored. Something hit him, however, and his head snapped around to face the board again, his eyes locking on a single piece of paper.

_Please kill me_ in his own handwriting.

His eyes widened and his mouth fell open as it came back, every single scrap of memory that was suppressed in the recesses of his mind. The memory hit him with a horrible force, driving every other thought from his mind.

_"Zero," he said gently, and almost cursed at himself because he didn't want to do this again. "Zero, look at me and don't look away."_

He panted, his hands clutching his head, and he tumbled from the chair, unable to keep his balance. He let out a soft groan.

_"Yes. They would use it as an excuse to start another war. You don't want another war, do you?"_

_Slowly, Zero shook his head. "No. I don't want a war."_

He screamed quietly, his mouth open in agony.

_"It's from Yuuki," Zero told him faithfully. "She says not to forget the ball tomorrow."_

"HAAAAAAAAAAA!"

(Insert astricts here—FF GIMME MEH ASTRICTS BACK!)

Kaname's heart stopped.

He had never heard the sound before, but without a doubt, the scream belonged to his hunter, and from the sound of it, it wasn't good. His eyes widened, his jaw tightened, and his feet were in motion before he could even say goodbye to the vampires he was talking business with.

"Zero!" he called, listening to see if there would be any response. Luckily, Zero let out another sickening scream. Kaname tore off toward his office. Zero had been there before for various reasons (meetings, lectures, et cetera) and Kaname knew that if he got lost and saw the office, he would go there. He pushed the door open, stepping in. "Zero!" he repeated, taking a step forward toward the crumpled body on the floor. The minute the silver-haired vampire heard his voice, however, his head came up and his eyes locked on Kaname, filled with anger.

"You bastard," he wheezed. "You fucking _bastard!_"

Kaname took a step back. "Zero, what are you talking about?"

"_You bastard_! My _memories_! You've been taking my memories, you conceited asshole! What gives you the right to mess with my mind?" he spat, struggling to stand.

"I was trying to protect you," he said, holding his hands out defensively. "I couldn't let you kill yourself, Zero. What was I supposed to do?" He couldn't account for why he'd slept with Zero, multiple times over, but the point was, he wanted to help Zero.

"Trying to _protect me_!" he repeated, his voice edging up several octaves. "You call that protecting me! I can't even say if my body is my own anymore!"

"Zero," he plead desperately. "Think about it from my perspective—I care about you, Zero! I couldn't let anything happen to you!" Zero stumbled toward him, fury consuming him.

"Care about me, huh," he growled. "I'll fucking show _you_!" Zero raised his hand, bringing it back and forward. It hit Kaname's flesh with a loud _smack_, the impact turning both Zero's hand and the pureblood's cheek red. The second he'd done it, however, Zero looked down at his reddened hand and tears welled in his eyes.

"Zero," Kaname said gently, hesitantly, and Zero collapsed into his arms.

"I'm sorry," he managed, choking on the words. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry! I just…" He wrapped his arms around the pureblood. "I was just so angry! You… you _love _me, I know it, you bastard, and you erased my own memory!"

"I didn't want you to remember wanting to die," Kaname whispered. "I was prepared to do whatever I had to so that you wouldn't remember wanting to die."

Zero pulled back and Kaname flinched, expecting the boy to hit him. Instead, Zero crushed his lips to the elder vampire's, kissing him so hard his lips would probably bruise, but that was okay.

Zero jumped up, wrapping his legs around Kaname's waist, and the pureblood immediately grabbed him to make sure he didn't fall. "Zero, we shouldn't—"

"You don't have any fucking right to tell me what I should and should not do," he hissed, grinding his ass down on Kaname's half erect cock, making him grow harder. "You've been fucking me for months; just get over it!" Kaname growled back, attacking his lips and slamming Zero into the wall. The silver-haired hunter let out a soft moan as the brunette thrusted against his sensitive erection, followed by a sharp intake of breath as Kaname began marking up his neck, his hands busy pulling Zero's slacks over the swell of his ass.

"Kaname," Zero breathed. "Kaname, just do it."

"You want it to hurt?" he asked archly, raising an eyebrow. "Do you really?"

"I just want it," he retorted. "Do you want me or not? Or was the pleasure in it fucking someone who didn't want it? Forcing someone to take it when they didn't want to? Does it turn you off knowing I'm actually in love with you?"

Kaname's hips shot forward, burying his length in Zero's warm, pliant body, making him cry out in shock.

"Oh, _god_!" Zero rasped.

"You love me," Kaname murmured into his neck, kissing it softly in apology.

"You're bi-polar tonight, Kaname," he managed weakly, wincing as Kaname moved slightly. The vampire hummed against his neck and he let out a weak groan. "I… you can move now."

Kaname did as he said, pulling back entirely before slamming his hips forward, meeting Zero's ass in a loving collision. Zero cried out again, a tear slipping down his cheek. Kaname licked the salty trail curiously and Zero's erection pulsed against Kaname's strong stomach. He took up a quick face, pounding into Zero with a ferocity he rarely exhibited. Zero was being pushed repeatedly against the wall in a harsh way, but he wasn't complaining as his pleasure mounted.

"Zero," Kaname moaned and Zero thrashed, unable to keep control of his body. His legs tightened around Kaname's waist, his arms like a vice around his neck.

"_Kaname!"_

Exhausted, they sunk to the floor, Kaname tiredly pushing Zero's hair out of his eyes.

"I'm sorry," he murmured, leaning in to press a kiss to the hunter's temple. Zero ignored him, burying himself into Kaname's embrace. "I love you." If that didn't get a response, nothing would.

"Love you, too." The words were quiet, but they made Kaname smile. "We're talking about this later."

"This?"

"How you're never going to use any of your little mind tricks on me again," Zero explained pointedly, and Kaname winced. "But for now… I think we should just lay here and take a nap."

"A nap, Zero?"

"Shut it, bastard. A nap."

Kaname smiled, laying down and drawing Zero into his arms, where they stayed until an almost unsettlingly unsurprised Yuuki came to fetch them.

**This didn't turn out how I expected, but at least it turned out, period. ****San Juanita-chan… I love you, and I'm sorry this took so long! TTYL, everyone!**

**BTW, is it just me who is having trouble posting and updating stories and chapters for certain fandoms? For instance, Naruto, Supernatural… :/ **

**Kandakicksass**


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